Some of these are exact quotes, some are paraphrased; Show your best quotes!

#1. [07:48:05 PM] Shade Manx turns the corner and as the city burns in the fires of hell.. She some how shares jack's moment of mental fuckedness.. She sees Lucas suddenly as the capped crusader.. she pauses and growls snarlling.. Ready to do something awful.... "I"M COMMISSIONER GORDON BITCH!! AND THIS IS MY CITY!!" with that caveman scream she charges Lucas.. If she can get to her.. Jumping Jack.. spinning past Kendall.. She will try to hit Lucas with a cross body slam.. "THAT"S FOR RAPING CATWOMAN YOU FUCKING MAN WHORE!!! I WANTED THAT PUSSY!!" see what I did there.. Pussy.. Catwoman.> Oh never mind.. Even if she cant get there she will be screaming that..

#2. [07:59:49 PM] Shade Manx lets out like a banshee in heat.. as she tears after Lucas... "FUCK YOU JOKER!!! RIGHT IN THE FUCK HOLE!" she shouts.. at Jack.. as she goes after Lucas.. barreling down at him "I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT I AM THE INGROWING BUTTHAIR THAT MAKES ANAL PAINFUL!! I AM ..... Getting my metaphors mixxed up!" she screams as she hopefully, well not so much hopefully.. Barrels into Lucas with arms outstretched trying to clothes line up with everything that the 6' 190lb monster can summon up... "NBARRRTTAHAHAHAAAAAAAEAT MY FEATHERED BUTT BATMAN!!"

#3: The best of Jezz's Online Liners
-"Doesn't stop me, I'm a skank"

-"I am NOT an evil smurf"

-"Suddenly this lightning of anger shits out..." awkward pause, then hysterics.

-"I'm the alcohol Fairy! I'm the alochol" passes out.

-"If I ever get around to having boyfriend number two. He better have a busy full life of his own hobbies and goals because I will not be someone's reason to exhale. I have better things to do than entertain a full grown adult male if I'm not getting paid for it."

-"It's about not beating around the bush when you are, in fact, grooming your own ornamental hedge."

- "Lookit what me and Rena made? It's a sledgehammer with a hand taser rigged to it. Isn't it cool."
Jack....
"What? I like overkill."

-Jack walks in to see Jezz fondling a bomb, screams at her quite a bit
"Alright alright, Jack, pull your boxers out of your ass and relax. Better yet. Get laid. You need to destress or something. Oh hey, it's ticking. Jack...Hey, how come your running?"

#4 Things Jack has told Jezz
“Love means threatening to kick someone’s ass even if you’re duct-taped to the floor as you’re saying it.”

J: "If someone asks me if I'm fucking you one more time, I am going to pretend your my cousin's first daughter's niece's best friend."
Jezz: "Hell, your adopted, for all I know your my goddamn father. Oh wait, your not german"

"Jezz, please don't take this wrong, but your scary."

Jack: "Jezz, you realize the sidewalks aren't for driving on right? HOLYFUCK OH MY GOD. WATCH OUT FOR THE SIGN! THAT WAS A FUCKING BUS!" gets out shaking. "NEVER Again. EVER. I will fucking walk first. You do realize that your car has lower speeds right?"
Jezz: "It does? I thought it came in fast, faster, and fastest."

Jezz "I keep forgetting the car isn't a tank.."

#5 Jack to Kyo in Japanese
"Victomhood is not a costume donned to gain attention" - Yes, Jack was being a sarcastic ass.

#6 Rhyssa to Jack
"Why does everyone in the DEPD want a gold star for doing what they SHOULD do? That earns you NOTHING, that is the Obligation of you as an OFFICER. So SPARE me the pat on your own back. It's as Simple as Wiping YOUR ASS after you shit. I'm not going to congratulate you for having decency and common sense" about Jack wearing a cup.

"I'm Single; There are lots of single women in the world that have yet to spontaneously combust due to the lack of a the presence of a PENIS"

#7 Rena Quotes
"I don't give a rat's tutu about your emotional distress"

"Your brain is attached to your spine. Try getting them to work in tandem for a change"

"I want a tank" 5000 times.

#8 Hilarious quotes that I have on a notecard but forgot to put who said them.

"Don't confuse having an iron rod stuck up your ass with having a spine."

#9 Said To Jack
"If Brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot."

#10 My favorite Jack Quotes
"My antagonistic meanspirited attitude is reserved for fuckwits who desperately try to rationalize or otherwise defend what is clearly an unhealthy interest in cannibilism. Get some goddamn therapy."

"Heartless is may be, but headless it ain't. I've never claimed to be a nice guy, just to be sensible."

"So fucking what if your willing to admit stabbing someone is wrong? Willing to admit it doesn't buy you a "Get out of jail free' card."

"It's amazing how fast she could move with her tail firmly wedged up her ass, But I suppose that kind of maneuverability is easier when you don't have a spine."

"I can't take you seriously if your skirt is so short i can see your tampon string."

"How can you say your misunderstood? Your a fucking idiot- there's not a whole lot that needs understanding there."

"I may not be able to change the world, but at least I can embarress the fuck out of the guilty"

Lizard:

"I brought you donuts"
"I WUV YOU!"

About Kerri Oakleaf:
"She's abrasive"
Jack: "Like steel wool. But that goddamn shit is clean afterwards."

"Kerri scares me. She gives me a look and I feel like I'm 3/4ths of an inch of pond scum."

Roxy: "Jameston, why is your car attempting to give my car Anal" Jack spits out his coffee.

Unnamed Rookie:
Jack: Right, you say your call sign like this. Ocean 200300 is 10-41" when you go off duty you say Ocean 200300 is 10-42"
Unnamed Rookie: "Ohh-Ceee-Eeee-Aaaa-Nnn Twoo Zero Zero Three Zero Zero is One Zero dash Four One."
Jack: Facepalms

Jack- About New Rookies:
"I feel like I'm kicking a kitten into the deep end of a shark pool. I'm just waiting for the blood to flower in the water"

"I give that one a week before they come up missing"

"She's a menace! She tasered me in the ass"
A week later.
"She tasered me in the balls. I want to get her taser certificate revoked. No. I wasn't even near her. I was clear across a ROOM"

Jack to Roxy:
"I'd suggest a hairstrand - like they put in dog collars. That way you can track her by phone"

Jack to Van:
"I don't wanna die Momma. Please don't let me die. It hurts Mom."

Jack to Cara:
"Ooo look a mermaid. Dispatch! Save the MERMAID. Why is the Ground on Fire? HELP HALP!"