Dear Diary,

I've been a bad girl. I can't seem to get my urges under control. Is it some sort of way for me to fight back the man that raped me when I first arrived? Or is it simply a means to an end to get that rush that I can't seem to get anymore since I was forced to detox. I really want to clean myself up and become a good person, but wherever I turn I just want to seek revenge on those that talk bad about me. Or trigger something within me. Why can't I figure this out? Why does it feel like I am spiraling out of control with no way our of the abyss that I am finding myself in? I'm so alone here in Dead End! What did I think would happen having ran away from home? I thought it might be easier but how wrong was I! I feel like I am losing all sense of reality and no longer know what is going on with me...I no longer care who I hurt...I am no one...empty and void of everything but that rush that comes from shooting heroin or from attacking someone that talked to me wrong. There is no other time I feel comfort...Well there is but I won't speak of it.. I can't .... I'm not a piece of fuck meat... I'M NOT!!! I need help but I trust no one since my memories came back...Is there not a white knight in this town that I used to read about in my books? Am I even worth being saved since I have done all these bad things? I feel so alone with my thoughts, nightmares, and inner demons.